Do any of us actually know how to “do life”?

It has been a particularly challenging couple of weeks.  In all honesty, I feel like I am limping toward the finish line of summer holidays with the kids.

I just took my dog out for a walk to clear my head, where instead  of a clear head, I got the little voice spewing lovely sentiments such as “you don’t even know how to do life” and “how are you even qualified to tell anyone anything about anything?!”

Needless to say, it wasn’t relaxing, but it was enlightening.  I walked long enough to let those nasty thoughts work their way out and make room to actually feel some clarity.

First of all, yes I know how to “do life.”  Like what does that even mean?

Beyond staying alive, and caring for my family, there is not a specific code for what life is supposed to look like.

It’s about tuning into what feels right, holding on to what resonates and letting go of the rest.  Which is exactly what I’ve done in the last year and I have achieved goals beyond anything I could have imagined.  I left the golden handcuffs behind.  Started my own business.  Ran my first half marathon.

So why the long face?  You ask. 

Probably from trying to keep too many balls in the air, and from having unreal expectations, and slim to no downtime over the last 8 weeks.  But I want to share this because I’ve learned that people do not like to be vulnerable.

Trust me. I get it.  But if we aren’t willing to be vulnerable, then we aren’t willing to grow.  To be seen.  To truly connect.

I had a friend the other day vent about the challenges of parenting a one year old.

“Omg! Yes! I get it, there are so stinking cute, but so challenging and too young to reason with!”  I said while having flashbacks to my kids at that age.

“Thank you.  Most moms I know just tell me how amazing it is all the time and I feel guilty for not loving every minute of it.”  She replied earnestly.

We have to be honest with each other.  This doesn’t mean wearing our hearts on our sleeves (unless you’re the same brand of empathic, tortured soul that I am - then you are stuck with that blessing and curse)  but we do have to try to have courage.

Whether its parenting, leading a team, or on a down day, simply mustering the energy to get out of bed and have a shower, finding the courage to say THIS IS HARD.

And when on the receiving end, having the courage to say “I understand”, “I’ve been there” or “I’ve felt that way too.”

If you don’t understand, or haven’t felt that way before, instead of judgement, or “there’s people with bigger problems”, try out “I will listen” and “how can I support you?”

If we can’t be honest with each other, then how can we help each other, and build REAL connections?

I know that talking about feelings can be difficult, or feel unnecessary, but focusing on developing a healthy emotional culture is possibly the number one way to improve your workplace.  This is why I am *feeling* super excited to share that I’m adding a new tool to my facilitator tool kit, and it’s called the Emotional Culture Deck.

It’s a super simple tool designed to bring these uncomfortable conversations to the table in a way that helps people feel safe and supported and I can not wait to share it with my community. Let me know if you’d be interested in learning more about it!