Why is it so hard to speak up?

Some people have absolutely no problem saying whatever it is that comes to mind.  For others, they would rather eat eggshells.

Why?

As someone who falls firmly in the category where just THINKING about conflict makes me itchy - I have no idea.

That’s a lie. I know exactly why it’s hard.

I don’t like to speak up because I am afraid.

I am afraid of SO MANY THINGS. Fear of being uncomfortable. Fear of making other people uncomfortable. Fear of getting into trouble. Fear of feeling disappointed. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of rejection. Fear of saying the wrong thing. Fear of the unknown.

No wonder I don’t like to speak up when there are so many scary things that could happen.

There is something scarier than all of those things combined. Never finding my voice.

Being too afraid to speak up does nothing besides take away my own power.

So if you feel afraid to speak up, what can you do?

Ask yourself: ‘What is the worst thing that can happen?’

Starting a new business meant reaching out to a lot of people, going out on a limb, and setting myself up for potential rejection. Instead of allowing myself to go down a dark hole, I would ask ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’ In that particular circumstance, the worst that could happen was they either didn’t reply or said no. The end. A fist isn’t going to pop out of my monitor and punch me in the face. AND what actually happened was every time I reached out to someone new, it felt a little less scary. Taking the time to ask that question helped shrink it back down into perspective.

Know that your own discomfort of staying quiet can actually be MORE UNCOMFORTABLE than having a challenging conversation.

Are you scared the person will get mad? And if so, why is their anger more important than your discomfort?

Get clear on WHY you have to speak up about something. This is a game changer.

I used to work in the building office. My job was to find discrepancies so they could be corrected prior to construction beginning. Do you know what happens when your job is to look for mistakes? You have to TELL PEOPLE THEY MADE MISTAKES. As a self professed conflict avoider, this sucked. The purpose of my job, however, was to ensure life safety in buildings. Knowing this made it easier to be the bearer of bad news. Never fun, but easier. Being prepared with knowledge and an empathetic ear prior to making the call was forty thousand times better than stumbling over words and being overly apologetic.

Sometimes the best way forward is by taking a deep breath, counting backwards from five and saying what needs to be said. Don’t give the chatter in your head time to grow the fear.

Please know that you are not alone in the discomfort, be gentle with yourself, start small, and remember, the more we find our voices, the louder (and prouder) they become. Because at the end of the day, every one deserves to be heard.